Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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