Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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