so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
