Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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