it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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