Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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