i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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