I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
