I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
