I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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