i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Less talking, more tequila
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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