I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
