apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize