I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
