Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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