I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
