Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
