so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
