I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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