My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
