I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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