Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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