college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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