her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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