In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
