im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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