i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
