Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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