So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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