Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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