i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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