office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
