Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
