Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
