Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
