I'm really into asian looking animals
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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