My underwear smells like fireworks.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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