Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
