I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You dont lie about slip and slides
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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