how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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