direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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