There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
