Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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