My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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