Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
