chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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