apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
