Ambien. No doubt about it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
