I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
