I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
