I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the liver wants what the liver wants
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
