when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
