Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize