He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
