the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
