..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
