She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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