Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
