Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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