my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
