it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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