Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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