i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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