Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
